The Karl Show
WOW AND DOUBLE WOW!
Greetings to my friends in The Nederlands!
Or The Netherlands! Or The Nether-regions! Or Whatever! Congrats on being my first Danish Hit! (gosh, that sounds weird....The Danish Hit....sounds like a killed some poor Dutch person for money).
Worked all day today and spent all day yesterday signing up for classes. Don't have time to blog right now, but I will eventually.
I had a little "get-together" with Kirk and Alison tonight. We had some yummy pie and coffee at Latif's (see below). Sadly, it was obvious that the Coffee had been "on the pot" for more than an hour - and everybody knows after coffee has been on the pot for more than 45 minutes, it dies and goes to Coffee Hell.
Anyway, about halfway through my Rhubarb Pie, someone runs up from behind my booth and firmly grabs my thigh. Startled, I looked around - and lo! It's our Friendly Nehiborhood Youth Pastor, Dan!!!
. He was driving home from Music Practice and remembered that Kirk and myself were having some "Pie Time" down at Latifs. So he dropped in for a quick bite, a cup of coffee and scaring the cotton out of me. Thanks Dan!
By the time the night was over, we had about 7 people (including a 3 year old) crammed into our little booth at Latif's. Don't ask me how it happened. I guess Kirk and I just suddenly became very popular.
Anyway, besides the fact that Dan broke his wife's foot, we all had a great time. Here's good friends and good pie! Thank you Lord....
It was 4:30 am this morning....the sky was dark and cloudy. Off in the distance, flashes of lightning could be seen, followed by the faint rumble of thunderclaps.
I couldn't sleep. It wasint the thunder that kept me awake, no, I love
thunder at night. You see, I've been struggling with Insomnia since I was a little baby. So I often find myself up really late at night, with nothing to do but read books.
I looked around for a book to read.....The Gulag Archapelago? No, too dreary. The Lord of The Rings? No, too dense. Then I remembered: of course! The Word.
I haven't read The Word in a while, much to my shame. So I figured now would be as good time as any. I'll read the Word, say my prayers, and then be off to bed.
I lit a few candles and flopped down on my couch to read. I didn't know where to begin, so I just opened up my Bible to a random page. A random verse.
I opened by Bible to John 3:16. You see, in my Bible, John 3:16 is at the very top of the left-hand page. So it's almost impossible to miss. The whole page is dominated by the red ink of John 3:16.
I was a little startled at opening it to such an important verse, but I cleared my mind and continued to read anyway....
Just as I read "For God so loved the world...." thunder boomed and crackled over my house.
Am I too supersitious? maybe. Reading too much into natural circumstances? possibly. But it does seem to fit, if you ask me. The idea - the very notion
that the Creator of the Universe loves His creation so much, that He is willing to die for it.
This is a profound statement. And I think - the most profound statment ever uttered on this world.
So, to me, it makes perfect sense that such a proclamation be issued with Thunder and Lightning. It only seems right.
I wondered how someone from Saudi Arabia would stumble across this little webpage.
A helpful friend reminded me that "Latif's" is a Turkish/Arabic name, and is also the name of some kind of healing-trance practiced in Sufi Islam.
So, our friend in Saudi Arabia was searching for his friend Latif, or was intrested in Sufi Islam, did a Google search, and ended up at my website. Amazing.
Although it's even more amazing to realize that a resturant in Turlock, California is named after a Turkish/Arabic guy or a practice of Sufi Islam. Go figure.
Greetings to my friends in Arabia!
Well, it seems I have some viewers all the way in Saudi Arabia
! I have no idea how you got here, but send me an email some time! I'd love to meet all the visitors I have....
Btw, since this is a Christian website, is it even legal to view this website? Just wondering.....
I'm up to 160 hits now, growing quickly for such a small website, I might think. Maybe I can get some sucker to fund my website as a "venture capital" project.........hmmmmmmmm.............
Also, welcome to the person visiting from DialSprint.com, whoever you are.
We report, you decide
Look at one of the headlines in the above newsticker:Mob attacks church in India
It sounds like the Italian Mafia is blowing up churches in Calcutta again. Sad, really.
In case you were wondering....
Feeling much better today. Praise God....
Also, special thanks to all (or just one?) of the mysterous people posting in my comments. Sadly, Haloscan dosent allow me to see your IP address, so all I can do is guess as to your idenity(es?). Although the "Liver and Onions" comment does make me wonder...... :)
1 To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba. Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. 4 Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight-- That You may be found just when You speak, F43 And blameless when You judge. 5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. 6 Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice. 9 Hide Your face from my sins, And blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. 11 Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, The God of my salvation, And my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth shall show forth Your praise. 16 For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart-- These, O God, You will not despise. 18 Do good in Your good pleasure to Zion; Build the walls of Jerusalem. 19 Then You shall be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, With burnt offering and whole burnt offering; Then they shall offer bulls on Your altar.
Increase my faith!
Forgive me, Lord, for wandering away. Forgive me father, for turning away from your Love. Forgive me Jesus for mocking you on the cross. Forgive me Holy Spirit for turning away from your counsel. Forgive me Creator for destroying my body. Forgive me Christ for being so selfish. Forgive me Abba for polluting my mind.
Forgive me Lord Almighty, for not believing that you will forgive me.
Lord, take this sinner - this rotten, wretched excuse for a human - and make Him into a Saint. Let me shine with your Glory and your Love, and let this rotted stinky carcass fall away.
Lord, save me from evil - save me from myself. Forgive me Lord for not believing you can - proove me wrong Lord and save me again.
I gotta go to work in 3 hours and I feel like crap.
The most prolific visitor to this website is someone visiting from "Shaw Digital Cable" - apparently a Inferior-to-America-because-its-Canadian Broadband ISP.
In any event, welcome to The Karl Show! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Which isnt very much. And please remember that if there is ever a war between the US and Canada, we will win. Thank you.
Unless it's a war between our comedians, in which case the funny stylings of Canadian comedians will utterly destroy our unfunny excuses for entertainers.
The Cannons O' Heaven
We had an strange thunderstorm here today. I woke up this morning (actually it was around noon) to hear a strange rumble off in the distance. I assumed it was a train lumbering past our local Starbucks, but it happened again, and again. It's a pretty cool feeling to be awakend by Thunder, if you ask me. Special Weather Advisory for Turlock, CA!
I'd like to say "Hello" to my good friends from Norfolk County Internet
who dropped by. Thanks for coming, whoever you are!
Also a big warm welcome to somebody visiting from: Detroit World Outreach (DWO) online
. Keep up the good work! And welcome to ........(drumroll)..........
The Karl Show!
Let's all go to Latif's again.
By the way...
A "Bottomless Cup of Coffee" at Latif's is .99¢
Thats pretty cheap in a world that craves $3.00 cups of nasty coffee at Starbucks.
No refills at Starbucks either.
The Joy that is Rhubarb
I just got back from Latif's Resturant
, where I enjoyed a slice of delicious Rhubarb Pie and a cup of coffee. I think this is going to be a weekly treat for me.
I walked in and seated myself at the bar, next to The George Bush Sr. Chair. You see, Former President Bush visited Turlock back in the early 90's, and one of his stops was Latif's. They've commerated the event by putting a plaque on the back of the barstool. Thusly, we have one of those "A Former President Sat Here" landmarks. Pretty impressive, if you ask me.
It's a funny feeling - sitting at the bar, all alone, slurping down a cup of coffee. I felt like some hard boiled detective in a Film Noir movie, except for that fact that my life is blessedly free of any capers.
If any of you are ever in Turlock, be sure to stop by Latif's for Rhubarb Pie and Coffee. You wont be dissapointed.
Hey! I've got some intresting visitors on this site! Special thanks to my visitor from The New Jersey Institute of Technology
! Thanks for dropping by! Email me sometime!
I'd also like to say hello to my good friend from The United States Air Force
! Aim High, buddy! Email me sometime too. I'd love to get to know all the visitors to my website.
Evil IS real....
Folks, pray for me as I deal with some enormous sins and shortcomings in my life. Sometimes it seems like one fall after another. As soon as you get back on your feet, you fall over again. And its not because you have an inner-ear imbalance, its because you want
to fall over even though you know you shouldnt and it'll be bad for you.
Thankfully Christ is there to pick us up again, always. I'm glad He dosent get tired of picking me up, or else I would have stayed down long ago.
I watched “Needful Things” late last night. Normally I’m not really “into” Stephen King movies, but this is one of his better ones. The plot is somewhat predictable, and the dialogue is often stilted and unrealistic:
11 yr. old boy : “He’s a poison man! That’s a poison place! He’s not a man! Don’t go there!” – that’s an exact
quote. So you see what I mean when I say stilted. But I’m willing to believe that’s the fault of the actors and not The Author.
So all in all, I think it was worth the 150 minutes of my time.
On a slightly different note, it seems to me that Stephen King has an interesting “worldview”. Taking all of his works into account, all of his books, movies, screenplays, short stories, etc., I can’t help but think that King is a Demonist.
Now before you start thinking of me as some kind of wild eyed witch-hunter, hear me out. He’s not a “Satanist”, as we understand it. He probably doesn’t believe in Satan in the same way as “we Christians” do, but he obviously believes in Evil – however, from what I can tell, I think that’s all
he believes in. It seems to me that he is a "Demonist" - someone who believes there is only one “power source” in the Universe, but unlike Universalists or Pantheists, he believes that the power source is fundamentally evil. That’s why in his works, evil is always the strong, powerful and invincible force, while “good” is always being crushed and destroyed.
Maybe I’m wrong about this and King has completely different beliefs, but that’s how is works come across to me. In any event, it is kinda refreshing, in a perverse sort of way, to see the opposite of the prevailing worldview: that The Power Source is really a fluffy good non-judgemental Cosmic Bunny and everybody goes to heaven and “evil” is just in our imagination. Maybe its good to have someone remind us that evil exists. Although personally, I don’t think I need to be reminded much.
I now offically have 100+ hits.
Yes, it's been a long, hard road to the top, but I'm finally there. It wasin't easy - the constant updating, the endless writing - but I've finally entered The Big Leagues. I'd like to think all the little people: my hairdresser, my agent, my lawyer, etc. But mostly, I'd like to thank Brad. Thank you, Brad. I'll remember you fondly when I'm up past 1,000,000,000+ hits.
Thank you all! And here's to another season of The Karl Show!
Today was my dad's birthday! He's 43 now. Just about the whole family showed up - which is why I dissapeared. I spent the whole day sleeping in my room (had a long day at work, dont ask). Dad didn't mind, of course. He's pretty well known for sleeping through birthdays as well.
Happy Birthday, Pops!
Sometime between now and yesterday I got a visitor from a ".cl" domain, which is the national domain for Chile
. Well, greetings to all my, um, Chilean Friends! I promise as soon as I turn 21 I'll buy a big magnum of Chilean wine - and support the economy I guess. Unless you can think of any non-alcoholic Chilean goods I can buy? Email me and let me know.
Spent most of the night at MUGUM - that means Modesto Union Gospel Mission
, for those of you who are unaware. It's good to know that people who are down on their luck have a place to eat and sleep and seek refuge from the elements. I know if I were homeless I would be pretty happy that such a place existed. If you have some spare change, feel free to donate it to MUGUM. It's a good cause, and they really do help people.
I spent my whole time there handing out napkins and generally trying not to be a dooofus. I think, all in all, it went pretty well. Afterwards, we went downtown and got some tasty stuff at Jamba Juice
, which is kinda like a healthy Juice bar for us whacky California types. My friend Kirk
was manning the JambaJuicer. We had a fun time, especially when Fr. Martin Luther made a guest appearance (in joke). Oh yeah, I also ended the evening by hanging out the window of a truck, while it was moving. Fun!
Anyway, I'm pooped. The Lord bless you and keep you as you sleep. Peace be with you and upon you, always.
Well, our family cat broke its leg last night. We took it to the vet this morning hoping for a quick soloution, but there really is none. The vet just called back and said The Cat will need surgery - extensive orthopedic surgery. My mom approved the procedure without asking for the cost - my dad is enraged that mom didnt have The Cat put to sleep. Another fight about money, another day in the Naslund household.
Now that I've caught your search engines attention with "FEMALE LINGERE" and "THONGS FOR MEN", I would like to introduce you to Mr. Randall Friesen
! He seems to be an ok sort of fellow. But watch out, he's a Covenant Pastor.
Oh yeah, he's also Canadian. So that means double
silliness points for him.
Amazon.com is also offering a Women's thong collection
......which is........is.............intresting. I wonder how many women will visit this store and actually buy something? I wonder how many young men (such as myself) will visit just to laugh and gaw gaw.
I better stop this line of thought before I fall into lust..........again.
...the name of the new Amazon underware store is ''Fig Leaves''. Obviously a tongue-in-cheek refrence to Genesis 3:7 - but not exactly a positive image for most Christians I would think. It seems to be that Gen. 3:7 describes something sad, not appealing. But then again, that could
be their next slogan?!
NEW FROM AMAZON.COM! Fig Leaves underware: Sad, not appealing!
Is it forever this feeling of joy?
Ladies and Gentlemen, Amazon.com now has a brand new store: The Men's Thongs Store
Too bad Summer is already over or I would have done all my shopping here.
A serious moment
The truth be known, I honestly don't feel prepared to be a Youth Leader. The responsibility that comes with that position is very great. Youths are the future of The Church - not just The Covenant, but The Holy Universal Church - the Bride of Christ. Am I really up to the challenge to lead these kids, these young men, into a relationship with Our Lord?
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I'm fit to lead ants to a picknick. My relationship with Christ has been spotty lately - mostly due to my complacency and sin. Actually, its completely
due to my complacency and sin. How could someone like me - a sinner, a fallen man - and yes, sometimes a liar - lead these kids closer to God? When was the last time I seriously read the Bible? When was the last time I participated in Communion? Did you know that I havent even been baptized yet? Why do I even bother? How could God possibly use such an incomplete human like me?
Now is the time that I must trust God more than ever. I must trust Him to turn my weakness into strength, my stupidity into wisdom and my failed life into His Abundant Life.
All's well that ends well
I just got back from a youth group meeting at Dan's house. Some pretty intresting things going on in the youth group, and I'm happy to be apart of it. May God grant me the wisdom and grace to make disciples out of our youth.
I bet youre all wondering where I've been for the past few days. Good question. I've been wondering myself.
CALIFORNIA: THE SEQUEL
I walked into work this morning(I'm actually still there right now, breaking the law by writing this post)...anyway, I walked in to the break room and some of the kitchen staff were talking about you-know-who.
Enormous woman with hairnet: I think he'll be a great governor!
Mexican guy with hairnet around his beard: (mumbles)
EWWH: He'll be way better than Gray Davis!
MGWHAHB: (mumbles louder)
EWWH: (raises fist into air) Go Arnold! Go Arnold!
MGWHAB: (mumbles with dispair)
No folks, I'm not making that up. When the kitchen staff at my work (or at least the Enormous Women with hairnets) are rooting for him, I better find somebody else to vote for.
Thats why I am now offically announcing my canadacy as a write in canidate. The Sunday Night Sex Show Lady will be my ''running mate'' (pun!) and my Sec. of State will be Gary Coleman. My director of the Tax Board will be Willie Nelson and my drug enforcement Czar will be Woody Harrelson. Director of health and human services will be ''Bull'' from ''Night Court'' and Director of crappy music will be Barbra Striesand.
Now that I have my canidacy and my cabinet, all I need is YOUR vote!
VOTE KARL FOR A CRAZIER TOMMOROW!
At least, I think
that was Dan Whitmarsh.
Dan Whitmarsh, my best friend, arch-nemesis and youth pastor, has popped in for a little visit. Welcome aboard, Dan! Now visit 7 times a day so I can get my ''hit counter'' up.
LINK O RAMA
Head on over to HughHewitt.com
for a Pro-Arnold primer. Hugh is going ga ga over Arnold, and it shows. Hugh also puts forward his best arguments, so check it out.
IM RUNNENG FAH GOVANAH
Well, it looks like the election is going to be a circus. But hey, what do we need other than Bread and Circuses? As for me, Arnold has my vote. Not because I think he'll be a super governor, but because he's better than everybody else. The age of ''good, upstanding governors'' in California is over. Its been over for a while, and as far as I'm concerned, we deserve it! Terminated!
Notice a headline in the above newsticker:
"Gay Episcopal Advances"
We report, you decide.
I got a news ticker. Hopefully this one will work.
Caving in to public pressure....
I added a comment section. Now you can all make fun of me when I say stupid things. Kinda like a real family, if you think about it.
Well folks, it's been a long, hard road to college. I've had many dissapointments along the way. Here's a fine example - my first rejection letter from A College:
No. You are too stoopid to go to my college. Bad! BAD! You make Dean of Education cry! Now you say sorry! SAY! Please go to different college. Go to Stupid College instead. We no miss you. Stupid college is good. Me college, BAD! Thank you.
MORE INTRESTING THAN THE AGNEW-KEEFABER DEBATE OF '65
Go on over to The Brad Show! and read a debate I'm having with someone. I promise you wont be dissapointed. Oh....and send me cheese. Lots of cheese. Any kind, I dont care.
Yay! It works!
.....or does it? Are the gremlins still roaming around here? Probably.
INSERT FAKE SOUNDING SIGH HERE
Blogger is on the fritz again. I hope this post goes through.
A CRY FOR HELP
I am continuing my downward spiral into shopping madness. I just bought 3 more books that I dont need. Why? WHY??? And this time, I bought them on my credit card. Please......please.....help me......someone please put my VISA card out of its misery.
I just cant stop.......I cant stop buying......
The Kaiser is stealing my medication again.....thats the problem.....heh heh .....I'm glad I thought of that.......now to confront the ice cream man!!!
The Karl Show! is up to 7 hits already! Whhooohoo! Sadly, I think 5 of the 7 may actually be me.
Poopy. I tried putting a Religion News Ticker up there but it didnt work. Curse you, Blogger!
The Episcopal Church approved its first openly gay bishop. I suggest we start a betting pool....how long before The Episcopal Church approves its first openly Bi-gender Lesbian Vegitarian Atheist Bishop? My money is on 5 years. Odds are currently running at 3:1. Not bad, really. Email me to place your bets, and be sure to stuff your email with lots of small, unmarked bills.
Now somebody from Charter Communications just popped in - for exactly 0:00 seconds. Huh? Is that possible?
Somebody using Comcast and living in the Central Time Zone just visited my site for 43 seconds. Whats your hurry?
Lord have mercy....
For I am an impulse shopper. Today I ordered 2 sets of Theology books, each totaling 2 and 3 volumes respectively. All in all, probably about 3,000 pages of
New! Ultra-Dense™ Evangelical Theology
. Including the entire set of Spurgeon's Sermons on the Parables and The Miracles. Also a myriad of other authors, pastors, theologians, etc.
Why did I order all this, you ask? Am I planning to become a pastor myself? Do I have a bizzare Theology addiction? Am I inhabited by the ghostly spectre of C.H. Spurgeon? No. I got them all because they were on sale. And because the Sale Will Be Ending Soon! Purchase now so you can lock in your low prices!!!!!
Curse you capitalism, curse you marketing. You made me spend $40 on books I'll never read.
On the other hand, they are hardbacks and with very nice goldleaf letters. It'll look good in my home library, at least.
I'm still at
hit. C'mon people, start readin my blog!!!!
BIG KARL IS WATCHING YOU
Ladies and germs, I now have an official Site Meter account. That means I know exactly
how many of you are reading this. No doubt many millions already read this blog regulary.....
All my buddies are still in Knoxville (See: "Hard, School of). Its pretty lonely here without the whole gang, but I'll get over it. I usually do.
I think if I ever attend CHIC I'm going to get a tatoo. Maybe a really cool Covenant Logo, or a Celtic Cross or something. Or maybe a big heart with '' I Love Muther'' on it. Yeah.....
And who are you anyway? How long have you been here?
I was just about to post something, but I forgot what I was going to post.
It's been three days since I last posted. Shame on me. AND on the flying monkeys who stole my medication.
SIGH AND DOUBLE SIGH
Well, it looks like the Episcopal Church will soon be electing the first unrepentant gay "Bishop" (and I use the scare quotes for good reason. If St. Paul were here now, would he recognize an unrepentant homosexual as a Bishop? An unrepentant Adulterer? An unrepentant thief? No. )
For a long time I really didnt care about this story. They are, after all, just a bunch of crazy Anglicans, and who cares about them anyway?
But then the thought occured to me: what if this was happening in my church? What if The Covenant was under a non-stop, 24 hour barrage from zealous, enraged - and dare I say it - fanatical
gay activists? I would be really stressed out, I think.
God bless our brothers in the Anglican Communion and specifically the Episcopal Church as they witness it's slow and painful unraveling.
But perhaps all is not lost? Perhaps
can save them? Stay tuned.......
LOOK OUT, WORLD....
Karl Naslund has joined
Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty
Nobody can stop me now.
GOOD NEWS! LITERALLY!
I just got a copy of Luther's Small Catechism
and BOY am I excited! Ask me about it some time.