The Karl Show
My cousin called today with bad news. The doctor says he found cancer cells in the back of my cousins throat. This isnt totally surprising, mostly because my cousin has been chewing tobbaco since he was my age or so (he's now in his 30's). If anything, this is proof positive that there is NO such thing as "safe" tobbaco.
Frankly, I'm amazed that such a harmless looking plant could be so toxic - and that merely chewing plant leaves could be so dangerously carcinogenic after a relatively short (10 years) period of time. You learn something new every day.
Well, I replaced my old Christian news ticker with this brand new Code Amber alert system. Special thanks to Pastor Brad for bringing it to my attention. Hopefully we can find some of these kids.
JUST SAY NO TO SELF MEDICATION
Well, I took a few aspirins, but that seriously upsent my stomach - so much so that I could feel the bile welling up inside me, getting ready to burst out onto our lovely new carpet.
So to keep that from happening, I took some perscription Promethazane that I saved from the time I had oral surgery. They gave me the medicine to take the edge off nausea that some people expirience after anestesia.
Sadly, Promethazane has some acute side-effects, including drowsiness and temporary dementia.
I'm not worried though. My Napeoleon will tell me the color nine upside right. Hello kitty dawson's creek digital clock fruity tooty McMango.
It's 3:49am and I have a headache the size of the Brooklyn Bridge, but with more traffic. It's one of those nasty headaches that hide behind your eye socket and pulse away until you can't think of anything else. Hopefully it'll go away soon, and I can get some rest. Until then, Vive Le Aspirin!
A GREAT MOMENT IN HISTORY
Ladies and gentlemen, I have now surpassed 600 guests. Onward towards a thousand!
Here's an example of that Lutheran humor I'm talking about....56. The "treasures of the Church," out of which the pope. grants indulgences, are not sufficiently named or known among the people of Christ.
57. That they are not temporal treasures is certainly evident, for many of the vendors do not pour out such treasures so easily, but only gather them.
65. Therefore the treasures of the Gospel are nets with which they formerly were wont to fish for men of riches.
66. The treasures of the indulgences are nets with which they now fish for the riches of men.
Good ol' Luther.......heh heh.....
Also, if you read the Theses, you discover that Luther was still very much a Roman Catholic during this period. You might even say a devout Roman Catholic. He obviously cared so much for Truth and the Church that he couldn't bear to see incorrect teachings and outright lies preached from Her pulpits. Modern day RC's who think of Luther as some kind of deranged rabble rouser should see this as food for thought. His inheritors (my church and I) should also remember this as well, next time someone approaches the church with a terrible grievance that we too easily dismiss.
LIGHT A WHITE CANDLE!
Ladies and gentlemen, today is Reformation Sunday. A Very Special Day for those of us who keep a copy of Luther's Small Catechism on their desks. It's also a meaningless day for Roman Catholics and the Orthodox, so I guess not everybody can partake in the festivities.
In any event, click here for the text that started it all
. When you read it, you can see that Luther had a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and a biting wit - but a heart for the Lord as well. He's one of the great men of history, and I'm proud to be one of his intellectual heirs.
I'm heading downstairs for a nice glass of Corn Syrup and Caffene.
BY THE WAY...
If you ever think that US politicians arent beholden to corporate interests, look on the back of any coke can you have laying around the house. You'll notice one of the main ingridents is Corn Syrup. This probably isn't a shocker, but I've been told by reliable sources (meaning: some guy I talked to years ago) that in other countries - nations that DONT have a huge AgCorp lobby - they use cain sugar to sweeten their drinks instead of Corn Syrup.
I bet you're thinking, "Now Karl, those nasty Corporations don't control the whole world, why it's not like they can lobby congress to impose sugar tariffs so that their own Corn products can be used exclusively in soft drinks.", to which I would say, "Oh really? Why don't you tell that to ADM!
"Our Motto: Eating Corn Products Is Mandatory", or why don't you visit their wonderful "Corn Processing
page, and look at the 2nd bullet point. A conspiracy unmasked!
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
The Karl Show! is brought to you by Coca-Cola!
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Don't you WANT to be a COKE HEAD? All the cool kids are COKE HEADS! Be a COKE HEAD TODAY!
Actually, this episode of The Karl Show! is brought to you by Pepsi-Cola!
Yes, the cool, soothing taste of Pepsi is not unlike that of BLACK TAR COLOMBIAN HEROIN. Yes, with Pepsi, you too can get higher than you've ever been before....
Ok, maybe I'm taking this a little too far....but you get the idea. Yes, I confess - among other things - I am hopelessly addicted to Caffiene. Not just coffee Caffiene, mind you. No....only the sweet taste of PEPSI-COLA-COCA BRAIN DESTROYING HEROIN-LIKE SODA will do it for me. Seriously. For me, its like drinkable drugs. SWEET drinkable drugs.
Homer: "Mmmmmm......sweet drinkable drugs....*drools*"
By the way, did you know that Pepsi-Cola also controls.....er....I mean, markets the following brands?:Mountain Dew, Mug, Sierra Mist, Slice, Aquafina and Lipton Ice Tea
, just to name a few. Did you also know that Coca-Cola produces An unthinkable number of beverages,
including Dr. Pepper, A&W, Barq's, Crush, Citra, Mr. Pibb, Schwepps, Fresca, Hi-C, Minute Maid, Nescafe, Nestle drinks, Odwalla, Powerade, Squirt, Sunkist, Tab and who could forget the wonderfuly alcoholic Bacardi Mixers. You see? I have what they call "Product Knowledge"....
Which brings me to the point of this caffinated screed. If any executives from Pepsi-Cola or Coca-Cola are reading this - and I know you are - would you consider advertising on my website? I won't even charge actual money! All I ask is that every week you send me a crate of your product (any brand). I promise that I will put your logo on every square inch of my website and place your product names in conspicous places within my posts.
All I want is your product.....your sweet, suculent product.......mmmmmmmmmm......Caffene.......
So, you think theres any chance that i'll get hired? Whad'do ya think?
I LOVE TURLOCK
Just a few moments ago, I was laying in my bed when I heard
a few stray ducks fly past. They have a very specific
sound that they make when they fly, it's easy to recognize after
you hear it a few times.
Same thing with Owls. They make a short, high pitched scream when they
hunt at night. Why? I have no idea. Why do humans say "Mmmmm"
when they eat something good? I have no idea x2.
The only bird missing from this soundscape is the Loon. They have
a beautiful and distinctive warble that you've heard in movies
and on the radio a thousand times. It's a beautiful call and truly
they are one of God's most beautiful birds.
By the way, its 1:41 am and I have insomnia. Enjoy your sleepytime, you
Wow. I haven't posted anything in a few days, so this is just a message to let everybody know that I'm still alive, just busy doing chores and schoolwork. And laying around, of course. I'll think of something to post later on.
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF....
Three quarters of the clothes you
own have logos on them.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
Everyone of these is true for me (with the possible exception of the beltbuckle...its actually my dads
belt buckle)....so I guess this means that I'm a redneck?
I got a look at the new $20 bill a few days ago....and yes, the new color scheme on the front looks nice, makes our money look more "modern", I think. But honestly, I dont understand all the little yellow "20's" on the back. When I first saw that, I thought somebody had drawn them on there. It looks like the treasury building is being attacked by a swarm of yellow bees. I'll see if I can find a pic...
FINALLY, A POLITICIAN I CAN BE PROUD OF
From the website of my Congressman: Mr. George RadanovichWhy are we at war?
If youre a liberal, for goodness sake, don't click on that link! But if youre a bloodthirsty jingoistic conservative like myself, you'll find it pretty humorous - which I think it was meant to be.
Hello to my visitors from:
Indianapolis Power and Light (http://www.ipalco.com)
I don't know who you people are, or why you are visiting, but,
Matrix 3 is coming out in less than a month. I can hardly contain myself, Mr. An-der-son.
I just saw the Pope on TV today, celebrating his 25th anniversary as the Pontifex Maximus of All Christians Everywhere (Or Else Youre A Heretic). Ha ha! Can you tell that I'm a Protestant?
But seriously, he looks pretty bad and I feel nothing but compassion for him. He's run a long race and stayed faithful to Christ throughout his long life. Not an easy task, but God has blessed him with a unique ministry and I'm glad to see him as an example of a faithful Christian.
This, however, dosen't excuse his inaction on the "sex scandals" (Our Motto:"Don't do anything meaningful and pretend it goes away!") - or the fact that Catholic teachers, priests and laypeople openly teach heresy in Jesuit colleges, for example, or that a huge number of Europes Catholics are Christians in name only...etc etc
The Pope had a lot of house cleaning to do, but put it off on the next generation. Sadly, I don't think the next pope will be much better.
Today we got the sample ballots for our local Turlock elections
coming up pretty soon (Nov. 4th to be exact). Strangely, I'm
voting at my church, even though during The Recall I voted at the
Junior High across the street. I don't know why they want me to
vote at my church now, as opposed to the recall. Maybe the Junior High
decided not to be a polling place? Beats me.
Anyway, we'll be voting on "Measure J" - a measure to unify the High
School and Elementary School districts here in Turlock. I was looking
through the sample ballot for arguments "for" and "against", but I could
only find arguments against. At first I was ready to call the Election
Commission and chastise them for not including any arguements "for" it, then
I saw a little disclaimer at the top of the page:
"No Arguments Submitted In Favor of Measure J"
Well. If the supporters of this bill can't find the time to tell me why
I should vote for it, then I wont. It's hard to imagine, I guess...but
could it be possible that the bill is so harmful that nobody wanted to
sign their names to it? Gosh....
Local Dynamics are fun!
VIVA LA NEHIBORS!
I was awakened early this morning by the sound
of Mariachi music blaring in my ears.
You see, my nehibors, the wonderful people that they are,
have windows that open up right underneath my windows (I'm on
the second story, I can look down into their windows). Last night
I made the mistake of sleeping with my windows open, and thusly,
woke up in the middle of CINCO DE FRIGGIN' MAYO.
I guess they enjoy a rousing Mariachi anthem to wake themselves
up in the morning, but I don't like it as much. So I went downstairs
and crashed in the guest bedroom, where it's a little more peaceful.
I tell ya, that trumpet and acordion get really old after a while.
We had a long American Government class tonight. It usually runs 2 and 1/2 hours, but tonight it went well into 3 hours. About half way through the prof called a ten minute break. I went out and came back in ten minutes - but out of 67 kids in the class, only 15 (including myself) came back. The faithful ones recieved credit for the day, everyone else got "zeros" for their daily attendance. It pays to be faithful, even if the prof could bore a tapeworm out of my gut.
My mom just had a little "talk" with me. Apparently, since I don't have a job and because I'm going to school less than full time, I'm lazy and need fixing. I realize that I am lazy (see post below), but I still feel miffed that she would say that too my face. Her attitude is like "my way or the highway", and it makes me feel uncomfortable. She says that I'm a grown man now, and that I should "do something" with my life - as if the things I'm doing now arent enough, which apparently they arent. But she offers no suggestions as to exactly WHAT I could do. Family dynamics are fun, eh?
WISH ME LUCK
I have a five page report on Homeland Security due tommorow night in my American Gov. class. My progress so far: I've picked a font to write the report in. Ha ha! Of course, I'm just kidding .....a little.
I'd have to admit that one of my greatest personal failings (maybe even my greatest) is laziness. I have alot of "inertia"....I'd rather not do something if it can be done later. Unless, of course, it's something I really enjoy...like playing games, reading Theology and Philosophy, and of course, Blogging.
Speaking of which, I really should be working on my report instead of blogging right now, dontcha think?
YES, IT FEELS GOOD
It's saturday morning and I'm sitting here in my underwear - NOT at work, mind you - but here at home. Yes, it feels nice to be unemployed. Now if only I can do something about being pennyless....
I would like to thank the following visitors to The Karl Show!
My Australian friends from http://www.COM.AU!
My New Jeresy scholar friends from http://www.ramapo.edu!
My Iowa State Scholar friends from http://www.iastate.edu!
and yes! YES!!!!!!! MY SUPER SWEDISH KIN FROM HTTP://www.ericsson.se!!
Welcome aboard! Check back often!
My family is going through some pretty rough changes right now.
Firstly, my grandma will be moving in with us (permanently) in about a week. I love my grandma, but it's going to be tough to add another person to the household. Even if it's someone we love. There's also alot of tension between my grandma (my father's mother) and my mother. So keep that in your prayers.
Also, one of my uncles has been "missing" for 3 days now. We don't think it's foul play...not yet anyway....because supposedly he took his favorite dog with him. He never goes anywhere without his dog. He's also had a history of vanishing before, but still it's unsetteling.
Say a little prayer for my family and I tonight, will ya?
I just finished watching "The Dirty Dozen"
on TMC. Best. Movie. Ever. Or maybe...Best. War Movie. Ever. If you've never
seen it, you need to. The late Telly Savalas plays a southern "Christian" soldier, who
we later discover is anything but. It's hokey, cliched and brain dead, but it's one of the
best damn war movies ever made.
Coming up later on tonight is "Kelley's
Heroes"....another one of the best damn war movies ever made. In what other movie
can you see a squad of American tanks - led by Clint Eastwood - demolish a French
town to the tune of a twangy country song? I mean, really....it's marvelous.
I had some deep thoughts today about Man and Machines. I submit these thoughts for your approval.
As I sit here before Psychology class begins,
I can't help but marvel at the Lord's work in our
lives. I'm sitting on a fake rock, staring out
across a fake pond, looking towards afake waterfall
in the distance.
Yes, this is all fake, all man made landscaping created to
indulge the sense of natural beauty in the mind of man.
But I can't escape the feeling that even now Christ has
laid hold of "Our" creation and made it his.
Two ducks, male and female, rest on the rocky shore. Together,
as nature intended. The Water is green with alge , which, even now, turns
sunlight (Yes! Sunlight!) into food! Amazing, yes?
Man, for all this inagination, could never have dreamed
The "designer" of this fake pond did not need to ponder the ecosystem or
the chemical processes of Alge. He knjew that the ducks,
the alge, the grass, the whole Life of the Pond, would come by itself. We
need only to watch.
Sometimes I wonder - if Man ever created a Machines....Machines so powerful
that they dwarfed Men's abilities...would they be under our control forever?
Or would we only need to watch as The Life of The Machine comes by itself.
Man builds, and God lays hold of it.
ALL YOUR GOVERNORS ARE BELONG TO US!!!
Well folks, the Masses Have Spoken. Arnold Schartz-somthing is our new Governor, much to the chagrin of many earnest friends that I know.
So, where do we go from here? Do we have a reacall every time we don't like a canidate? (Sure! Why not?) And if were going to have a recall every time we just don't like someone, why not just have an election every six months? That would be just about the same thing.
Frankly, I'm just glad that it's over. For now. Life goes on, and so does The Kingdom. If I could offer some advice to my earnest friends who feel shafted by the recall - it would be this: Don't worry, the sun will rise tommorow, the Lord's mercies will be new and the birds will still sing, no matter who is governor.
And just think....it could be worse......we could live in Cuba and just had our 49th consecutive election where Fidel Castro captured 99.99999% of the vote. The other .0000001 not being able to vote because they were being lined up infront of a firing squad.
So American democracy, for all its foolishness and stupidity, is still better than most anything else. God bless America, I say, and God bless this state as well.
Well, tommorow is "the big day" for California politics. I'm having conflicted feelings about the whole recall process. I support people having more say in their governance, but I dont support the chaos that comes with it. So I guess I'm against the recall in principal.
Sadly, if Davis wins, he'll probably interpret this as the people of California giving him massive praise and adoration - when most Californians don't really like him that much. But if Arnold wins, you can bet within a few days there will be a recall proposition against HIM because he fondled some women.
Insanity. All of it. I think I may just stay home tommorow.
DAN WHITMARSH, CALL YOUR OFFICE!
Hey all you Christian folks out there - have you ever wondered why your kids are rebellious? Ever wondered why they don't listen to you when you tell them to do things? Ever wonder why they have huge spiritual and mental struggles as they approach adulthood? Well my friends - WONDER NO LONGER!!!
Yes, the cause of all your children's misery is Christian Rock!!
Thats right! All that Michael W. Smith, Third Day, Newsboys - it's all a plot by Mr. Satan himself (who is Catholic, by the way), to fill youre children's heads with "satanic" music and "sensual" beats. Yup....this explains MY fall from grace and my struggles as a young man....not any of that Origional Sin or anything....
The website goes further to explain what "good" Christian music should benamely, Christian musicians
should have absoutely no influences outside the Church. Thats why REZ is Satanic, because their music style has been influenced by Jefferson Airplane.
I should mention, however, that it's pretty easy to make fun of these people. They belong to a "King James Only" church - so making fun of them is like tearing down a straw man. He's BEGGING to be torn down.
For some further education on this particular churches beliefs, feel free to visit their "Biblical" Numerology page
which shows that the 9/11 terrorist attacks were forseen in the Old Testament, because you know, 11 is the number of God's judgement. Because - and everybody knows this - the Judgement of Noah's flood is found in Genesis 7:11, and the judgement of the Tower of Babel is in 11:7! Coincidence? I think not!
Honestly, my brothers and sisters give me headaches sometimes.......
I just got home from my last day at work to find out that my family had been involved in a car wreck. Thankfully, everybody is okay.
My family was taking a little "Sunday drive" to Castle Air Force Base and Museum
when, just as they were pulling onto the AFB Exit, somebody rear-ended them. Their car was totaled, while mom and dad's new truck only suffered some minor dents. Thankfully, mom and dad have good insurance, and more importantly, so do the people who bumped into them.
Of course, the most important thing is that my family, and whoever did this to us, are ok. I could have lost my entire family today (minus my little brother) - but God was gracious and merciful. Thank you Lord, for your abiding mercy.
An "Anti-VD poster" from World War II - pretty clever if you ask me.
For some reason, I suddenly got the hankering to research World War One. Why? Who cares?
I stumbled upon some old propaganda posters....check this out:
Yes! The Brits do have an "Uncle Sam"....I guess his name would be "Uncle Monty" or something...
Imagine seeing this poster today, in our postmodern I-matter-above-everything-else society:
Tomorrow is my last day of work here. Most of the people who regulary read this blog know that I work at Covenant Village of Turlock!!!
, a retirement facility for the criminally insane.
Ha ha! Just kidding!
If you go to that website, you’ll notice the elderly couple posing for the camera. Those are my good friends Ken and Viola Nelson. They are great people – many of the people at CVOT are great people. Just like Don and Inez Johnson, two of the most dedicated and caring Christians I’ve ever met….and of course the Ahlems…all 50 of them….
This job has slowly been driving me insane for the past year.
You see, at first, everything was fine. I did my job, came home, rested, woke up the next day and did it again. I thought it was a great job – and it was! The Lord blessed me with an even better job than I expected. But soon after I started (almost a year ago to the day) …..I began to have……..thoughts. Strange thoughts.
You see, it’s occurred to me that The Kaiser is stealing my toothpaste at night.
Now you might say, “Karl, the Kaiser isn’t stealing your toothpaste because the Kaiser is dead.”
“OH is he?” would be my reply. You see, I don’t think he’s dead at all. No, I think he’s just very, very, very old. Like all the people who live here. Maybe the Kaiser LIVES here? Eh? Did you ever think about that? DID YOU!?!?
Neither did I. That’s why I recently quit.
Of course, I’m being a little silly. I really don’t believe that the Kaiser is stealing my toothpaste.*
But it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that working here has given me a lot of stress over the past year. I honestly can’t imagine making it through today if I knew that I had to come here next Saturday and do the same thing all over again.
I also feel guilty, because I feel like I’m giving up on a job that God has given me in his great mercy. I don’t know if leaving this job is a sin, but I hope that He forgives me for it.
*Because everybody knows that he's REALLY stealing my medications. Duh.
Kirk, if youre not reading this blog, I will personally dispatch some gangsters to your dorm and have them break your kneecaps. Of course, this warning dosen't do much good if you're not reading my blog, now does it?
As I was rifiling through the University Library today, I meandered down the Philosophy asile and found a book entitled "Logical Positivism"....I scanned through the book and came away with the feeling that I will - no, MUST - poke fun at such a work of sillyness. The basic "philosophy" of Logical Positivism is basically this:
1) People can't agree about God
2) Therefore, God dosen't exist.
1) People can't agree about ethics
2) Therefore, all ethics are meaningless
Im sure the proponents of it would say that's too much of a simplification, but thats what I gleaned from reading it. Esentally, it wants to replace "ethics" and "God" with a Pure Scientific View of the world. The world will be controlled by Science, not by such meaningless things as "ethics" and "religion" and "ideology".
I was going to take some time on this blog to critiqe what I read, but I did a Google for "Logical Positivism" and it seems not many people agree with it anymore (the book was written in 1957). This is a pretty good thing, I think. So I'm not going to bother debunking something that only Philosophy Professors and mad scientists believe.
I've updated the Links to other "Shows" on the left - firstly, I've added a link to my friend Lefar, who I've known since I was a tender (and stupid) Freshman. He's a pretty cool guy, I think. I've also added a link to Doug Tennapel's website. He's the creator of Creature Tech, one of my favorite all time graphic novels. He's somewhat more famous as the creator of Earthworm Jim - he's also a native of Denair. What more could you want?
Oh, by the way....
I got a 94% on my American Government test, and I think I did pretty well on my Psychology test today. So the year is off to a good start. I'm still suffering in Math, though. I think I always will.
SO IS GARY COLEMAN BAD FOR MEN?
Just got back from Psychology class....pasted on the outside of the classroom building was a huge poster that said "ARNOLD IS BAD FOR WOMEN" with the "O" in women transformed into the "feminist symbol". I chuckled a little and considered the title of this post (above). Then I got home, logged on to the internet and found this:Schwarzenegger Says He's 'Behaved Badly' and Apologizes
So maybe thats
what they meant by "bad for women". In that case, I can see how they would think that. Not that I agree really....Gray Davis had a very sexual affair with an actress (I forget her name), and then left her hanging: no wedding ring, no commitment just a friendly "so long"! To me, that's "bad for women" too.