The Karl Show
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Friday, January 30, 2004
 
THE STARVING STUDENT

I woke up late this afternoon and didnt have enough time to eat Breakfast/Lunch. I had to be at school in no-time-flat, and a bowl of stale corn flakes would just slow me down.

So I went to school and sat down for the remainder of my 4 hour History lecture, when quite suddenly, my gut released a sound that might the Mars Rover might have detected. I was hungry - no - I was starving.

So on our next break, I walked over to the Library building to get something to eat. (The Library building is where all the vending machines are - I don't actually eat the books). I only had a few dollars in my pocket - being jobless and all - so I searched the machines for some kind of sustanance, some kind of food. Chips? No. Not filling enough. Soda? Good, but it's liquid and I'll need to take a leak before the end of the lecture. Brownie? Good, but at $1.50 for a single cube of chocolate, it's kinda expensive.

Then my eyes fell upon a terrible sight. A most horrible and devious Vending Machine that has plagued mankind since Vending Technology was invented.

Yes, I had seen The Vending Machine That Must Not Be Named.

Forgive me, O Leafar, for I have seen....



THE SANDWICH VENDING MACHINE!
WITH SANDWICHES!!!!!!!!!11111

Yes, stale, pre-made, soggy and tasteless sandwiches that are prepared in the year 1956 but somehow preserved by a freak temporal distortion. Yes, these Moldwiches as I call them, are insidious in their appeal. You can never see yourself eating one of these disgusting prefab provisions. But here you are. Hungry, and with a rumbiling gut that refuses to be quieted. It's only $2.00, and you get more food than that stupid brownie. Yes. You know you want it. Take it.

Take it.

TAKE IT, DAMN YOU!!!, the Machine screams at me.

I'm hopelessly hungry, so I obey. I take the Moldwich, and I partake in it's culinary debauchery.

I can only hope that this particlar Moldwich was not infested with a nasty strain of Liver Flukes or something, or that I will discover a small colony of living beings that use the Moldwhich as a "colony ship" - beings that would lay claim to my intestines as their Promised Land.

See? The Moldwhich has already warped my mind. Stop the Moldwiches before its too late!!!

I also hope you had a nice friday too. End Transmission.
 
 
I MUST BE INSANE

Because I want you to see this super-cool Physics website.

I know, I know..."But Karl hates math!" Yes. Yes I do. But Physics is a little different than High School Algebra. You can use your imagination in Physics, you can explore the Outer Limits, so to speak.

So you can understand how excited I was when I found this webpage about "Bose-Einstein Condenstates". I bet youre wonder what that is - and so was I until I followed the fun little examples. There are some fun games on that website too - they help you understand the nature of "Laser Traps" used in Bose-Einstein experiments and other groovy stuff.

If you still don't want to click that link, allow me to seduce you further. Apparently, a Bose-Einstein Condensate is a "particle" that is actually made of of millions of atoms, but cooled down to near Absolute Zero so that all the atoms esentially "act as one". They form a "superatom", so to speak. Best of all, scientists are able to control these superatoms using lasers and powerful magnets, opening up whole new worlds in the fields of matter-manipulation and Nano-Robotics.

Intrested yet?
You will be.

Be sure to click through the whole little cartoon-dialogue thingy. You'll come away smarter.
 
Thursday, January 29, 2004
 
UPDATE VI

Great. Now my laptop is broken. I was just on it a few minutes ago when it froze up. I rebooted it, but now it wont even start. Even when you press the power button, it just sits there like a rock. Sheesh. Cut me some slack, Man.
 
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
 
UPDATE V

I had a horrible day today. How was yours?

First of all, I was up until 4:30 this morning putting the finishing touches on my massive project that was due today. Thankfully, I got it done, but at the price of a good nights sleep and my sanity.

Secondly, I walked into class today to discover that I got a "D-" on my last test. Yes! It's true! Super Genius Karl Naslund got a terrible grade on a test that he should have aced.

I have no idea what happened. I must have been out-to-lunch for the whole week before the exam. That's the only excuse I can give. Other than the fact that I'm a slacker.

So, in short: I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm sad, I'm in pain and I'm a slacker. The only positive thing I can think of is that I got an "A-" on my last test, so hopefully these two tests will cancel each other out.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to commit seppuku.
 
Friday, January 23, 2004
 
UPDATE IV

According to my hit counter, eight of you people are visiting my website every day. So I figure that I better make some kind of post to keep you interested. The Blogosphere is a lonely place without Karl, after all.

School is going pretty well so far. I got an "A" on my last test, and my next test is Monday. We are currently studying early Christianity and learning how Jesus never rose from the grave, and also never said that he was God. How do we know this? The Jesus Seminar! Besides, my History professor says so. And professors are never wrong.

Right.

Anyway, pray for me as I muddle through the last two weeks or so of this class. I've been on an exhausting schedule - it feels like I've been taking this class for two years instead of two weeks. I'll be glad when it's over.

In the meantime, go visit my friend Leafar's Webcomic. It's coming alot pretty well so far. We can only wait until he starts updating it every day....

End Transmission.
 
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
 
UPDATE III

Howdy everybody. I had my first test today, it was worth 12.5% of my entire grade, but I think I did pretty well. So I'm going to reward myself with another blog update. Over the past week, we have learned the equivalent of a month's worth of a "normal" World History class. It's been pretty intense, and I've spent many long nights studying the ancient Sumerians, the Assyrians, the Akkadians, the Amorites, the Egyptians, the Persians, the Hebrews, the Indus-River civilization, the Mayuran Kingdom, the Shang Dynasty, the Cho Dynasty, the Qin Dynasty, the Han Dynasty, the Greeks, and all of the associated gods, goddesses, philosophers and religious leaders including but not limited to: Gilgamesh, Akanatan, Ra, Zoraster, Shiva, Kali, Vishnu, Hinduism in general, Siddarth Gautama (Buddah), Buddhism in general, including the three main sects of Buddhism: Theravada Buddhism, Mahayana Buddhism and Tantric Buddhism. We also studied Chinese philosophy including the works of Confucius, Lao Tzu and Taoism. Were currently working on the Greeks, including the works of Homer, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Sophocles, etc.

We have learned all this, and all of it in detail, in the span of a single week. Now, the worst (or best) part about all this is that not only do I remember all these names and places off the top of my head, but I can tell you all about them in detail. In fact, I did just that earlier today in my test. I guess that means my class has been a sucess so far. However, I also feel like my brain in going to explode. When this class is over, I am going to take some serious down-time and just chill. I think for once in my life I will have earned the right to do nothing but watch TV and play video games.

Or, as Confucius would say, "My brain hurts."
 
Monday, January 12, 2004
 
UPDATE II

I know that its only been a day since my last update, but I couldn't let this pass without mentioning it. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on the first portable One Terabyte Hard Drive. Yes folks, that's One Trillion bytes, Two Years of MP3 recordings, or an entire month of MPEG videos. Strangely, however, I couldnt find this unit's price anywhere on the webpage. I'm guessing it's price to be somewhere in the "A Lot" range.
 
Sunday, January 11, 2004
 
QUICK UPDATE!

Just a quick update for all my fans...

I'm doing fine and actually working on an extensive school project right now. I'll be back in a few weeks. I'll probably have some sporradic posting until then ..... just to keep you folks happy, of course.

In the meantime, click here for a massive full-color panorama of the Martian surface. It's a huge file, but well worth the wait. Your tax dollars at work! Enjoy!
 
Monday, January 05, 2004
 
AWAY I GO

Well folks, my winter term History class is now offically underway - and I'm already exhausted. It's a very intensive class (we already have several pages of homework, and today is just the first day), so I'm afraid that blogging will be at a bare minimum for the next month or so. Sorry to dissapoint everybody, but you'll just have to make do with your less-than-normal dose of Karlisms. Be back soon!
 
Saturday, January 03, 2004
 
THE VILLIAN IN ME

I just got done looking through the "United States Psychological (Propaganda) Operations Field Manual No.33-1" - you can read a summary here, if you want.

I feel strangely villianous. Now, of course I support our military - I think most people do - and obviously the people in the military are People like you and me. They dislike illegal and wrong things just as much as the next person. Its just.. you just have to admit that sometimes it's a little creepy to read these things. Here's the part about "Motion Picture Operations":

"....Entertainment. These are standard commercial productions, including animated cartoons. Entertainment films developed specifically for propaganda purposes can be very effective as the themes may be woven into the plot of the movie. These films can be very effective in gaining attention for other propaganda.

[....]

"....Themes and objectives may be dramatized to create realism. The dramatic quality tends to cause the viewer to identify with the characters being portrayed. Thus, skillful application of production and editing techniques, such as having a central character act the behavioral patterns desired, can be very effective. The tendency to identify with the actors aids in developing a high degree of audience involvement in the propaganda appeal....

[....]

Most children and a high percentage of adults accept without question presumably factual information presented in films....

[....]

Complicated events or complex ideas can be thoroughly explained. Cartoons and other special effects can be particularly effective.

[....]

Wait....I get it now. Now I understand why it's so disturbing...it's not because The Army uses these tactics.....it's because Hollywood uses these tactics. Food for thought, I think.

 
"Never be afraid to doubt... and doubt in order that you may end in believing the truth."

"Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good." (Job 34.4)

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"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." -William James, Principles of Psychology





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