The Karl Show
TURNAROUND"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing?"
I feel better now. I always do when I remember His words.
Has this ever happened to you?
You're sitting around, not feeling very well. Life kinda is hard and it kinda sucks. You don't tell anybody how you feel because you don't want to complain - and when you do complain people think you're being a jerk, or a baby. And their probably right.
So you sit, do your work and slog through each day the best you can.
Then, suddenly, something really nice happens - something you've been waiting for. You feel super! You feel awsome! You feel like you can take on the world and win.
But then, the next day (or a few hours later) everything is crushed, and the world is back to it's ugly, hard self.
But you smile anyway because you don't complain. Because only girls do that.
HE WHO HAS EARS...
I asked a pastor "How do we interpret the Bible?"
"We read the parts of the Bible that are clear, and w use the clear parts to interpret the hard parts."
"But how did we figure out the easy parts?", I asked
"We have an older tradition that guides us. Just ask the Catholics."
So I went to a CAtholic priest and asked him "Why is your tradition right?"
"Because it's very old," he said, "and the very oldest Christians are right. Also, the Pope and the Magisterium are always right - sometimes."
"But why are they right?" I asked
"Because of our very old tradition." he said "Just ask an Eastern Orthodox priest."
So I asked an Eastern Rite priest, "Why were the earliest Christians right?"
"Because everyone agrees with what they said.", he replied.
"But what if they were wrong?"
"Why?" I asked
"Because the church councils say so."
"But," I said, "Protestants and some Catholics don't always agree."
"They're heretics." the old man said.
"What is heresy?" I asked the old man.
"Go ask an Episcopalian." he said.
So I went and asked one.
"There is no such thing as heresy!" he said, "Why, you can just go ask Jesus! He'll tell you!"
So I got down on my knees and said,
"Lord, it seems that nobody can agree on how to interpret what you have said. Everyone has a different idea," I continued, "and everyone else is a heretic. Everybody else is wrong - except us, whoever we are. We base all of our ideas on old tradition - a tradition that eventually ends up at your feet. But nobody can agree on anything.
So Lord, how do we interpret what you have said?"
I sat for a long time waiting for an answer.
Suddenly, a small voice spoke.
"He who has ears, let him hear."
What does that mean, Lord?
DUCKS 'N MORE
First of all, let me apologise (especially to my friends Donna and Shellie) for not posting here in a few days. I have been absoutely overwhelmed with work and havent had very much time for anything else. I actually have another class in about a hour - and I don't even have the homework for THAT class done yet. So you see, I'm pretty busy.
A few thoughts, however.
Today I was walking to Bio class and saw the new ducklings that recently hatched. For those of you who don't know, my campus is pretty verdant this time of year. Lots of ponds, trees, grass - all kinds of stuff that the wildlife enjoy. I was watching these little ducklings walk about under the watchful eye of Momma Duck, when I noticed a feyral tabby cat prowling around not too far away. It saddened me for a moment to think that the cat would probably eat a few of the ducklings. I mean, who would want that to happen? Of course, the biologist in me also knows that if ducks had no natural predators, eventually we would be innundated with hordes and hordes of ducks.
Think about it. Say every female duck has eight chicks, and say half of those are female. Assuming that every chick survives into adulthood, and assuming that enough food was present to support a larger population - the population would expand exponentally and there would be literally millions
of ducks within a few generations.
I often wonder how God is going to solve the population problem when He creates a New Heaven and New Earth. I have a feeling that there will be a lot less breeding going on all around - or that there will somehow be a lot more room.
Just some random thoughts. End transmission.
BLAST FROM THE PAST
Shellie and Donna are two friends that I havent seen in a very, very long time. It feels like it's been a million years since I last heard from them. It really was a shock to open up my comments box and see them posting there. A good shock, I think.
Donna, to answer your question - I never really meant to "drop off the Earth", in fact, I'm not completely sure how that happened. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from my perspective, I kinda thought that it was you who had stopped talking to me, and not the other way 'round. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I got distracted or something. How old was I? 14? 15? 16? I don't even remember. It was lightyears ago. I'm a very different man now - you might still recognize some parts of me - but the rest is changed. I feel much, much older than I once was.
I'm like a snake thats shed it's old skin. An old crow with new feathers.
CHRISTIAN ROMANCE NOVELS!!!!
So I'm sitting in my Biology Lab, when suddenly I notice that the monotone drone of my prof's voice is slowly driving me insane. I decided that my brain needed some help - and fast. So I got out pen and notebook and started the first chapter in my very own Christian Romance Novel. Truly, I have gone completely over the edge. Now sit back, relax and partake in my complete insanity:
"Bernard grabbed Henrietta by the waist and thrust her against his loins. Bernard wanted to kiss her - to cover her in affection, but he knew that kissing before marriage was a sin. He also knew that holding someone closely before marriage is a sin as well, so he violently threw Henrietta to the ground.
"True love waits." Bernard said with a smile.
"Oh Bernard," Henrietta said as she picked herself up from the floor, "I can always count on you to be a loving future-Covenanted-Husband."
"That's right, Henrietta," Bernard said with a knowing look, "I'm glad that we're practicing Biblical courtship instead of worldly dating."
"Oh yes, Bernard!" Henrietta shouted in ecstacy, "I felt some comfortable knowing that both of our parents have esentally arranged our future marriage for us - rather than doing the worldly thing and deciding for ourselves."
"Yes," Bernard said as he nodded solemly, "only worldly, sinful people don't submit to their parents decisions when their approaching thirty years old."
"Oh Bernard," Henrietta said as she wistfully looked into Bernard's eyes, "read me the 'Four Spiritual Laws' tract again!"
Bernard's face grew red. He nerviously looked down at his feet - a look of concern spread over his visage.
"Gosh Henrietta, I dunno." he said nervously, "You know that the Four Spiritual Laws makes me feel......frisky."
"Oh Bernard!" Henrietta said with a laugh "Just this once! I'm sure it won't be a sin!"
"Well, okay." Bernard chuckled to himself, "But the Jack Chick tracts will have to wait until our wedding night."
You see? I'm nuts.
Tuesday is the busiest day of my week. Thankfully, this Tuesday is more than half over, so hopefully I'll be able to post some more of my Very Important Thoughts later on tonight. Stay tuned.
I'm incredibly bored this weekend. Nothing but eating, sleeping and homework.
And complaining on my blog, of course.
I'm going to spend most of my weekend writing a paper on the definition of Marriage. It's a pretty contentious issue right now, what with all the queer folk trying to get married and such. I think the biggest problem with defining words (or anything else - I'm looking at YOU, Kevin)...is that we define words using other words
Kevin and I were talking briefly the other day about defining "Pleasure" and "Pain". How exactly do you define them? Well, pain is painful, unpleasant, unhelpful, etc. But those are just words too, and how do you define them as well?
I suppose the only way to really define Pleasure and Pain is if somehow we could measure them using scientific equipment, since Science and Math seem to have some relation to "the real world", rather than just being abstract words in our head.
Or do they?
We can use simple Algebra to find the slope of a line given two points, for example. There are many "lines" in the universe, so this part of Algebra can be used to describe things we know. However, the line on any Linear equation stretches off into infinity. There arent any lines in the natural world (that we know of ) that simply go on forever and ever and ever and ever, etc. So in that sense, even Algebra
can be abstract. This brings us to an even more disturbing question - is Science and Math really "connected" to reality or is it just something we make up in our own heads to try and explain the Universe?
Am I making any sense? Probably not.
I was on my nightly walk around the neghiborhood
just a few moments ago, when I heard a high pitched scream pierce the night right above my
head. I looked up and saw a really big BAT fly slowly away.
I guess it was hunting for airborne bugs - and Turlock is a great place to do that. It's just kind of weird to see bats flying around youre house, that's all.
I'll keep you all updated just in case I become a vampire or anything.
"Vampire Hunter K" dosen't sound too bad, actually.
I've added some new links on youre right. They're my friends, so treat them nicely. And tell 'em that Karl sent ya.
COMRADE KARL'S ORDER OF THE DAY
Go here right now
and listen to some of Kevin's music. I think it's pretty cool.
Dude, you need to get a job doing the score for video games. I was listening to "Worm", and I thought to myself "I feel like I'm playing my NES again."
That's a pretty big compliment for somebody who grew up on (and now has a shrine dedicated to) the NES.
I'll give you a whole dollar if you can score a "Zelda" remix, too.
MY PLACE IN THE HEAVENS
Scientists have discovered a "planet"
beyond the orbit of Pluto. Supposedly it could be the 10th planet that we've long been looking for.
Supposedly, they've already named it "Sedna", however, I think "Karl" would be much better. Especially when you consider my enormous contributions to humanity.
CURSE YOU, MATHMAN!
I went over to Kevin's house today after church for a little Board Gaming Action. We played a neat little game called Settlers of Caatan (not to be confused with it's Christian counterpart, Settlers of Cannan). We had a good time and I got to check out Kevin's ENORMOUS keyboard rig.
Afterwards I went across the street to our local bistro and had lunch. It must be pretty nice having a cafe' across the street, eh Kevin?
Oh, by the way, in case you were wondering - I lost the match. Kevin won by about four points (out of ten). I think the game was slightly skewed in his favor because of some tricky probability mechanics. But rest assured, there WILL be a rematch.....
I WAS WRONG
Well folks, it looks like the Spanish people
really can be cowed by Terrorists. It looks like I was wrong - or at least partly wrong
in my last post. I assumed that the people of Spain wouldnt be intimidated by the terrorists -
whoever they were. I was wrong. I apologise.
"The best warfare strategy is to attack the enemy’s plans, next is to attack alliances
, next is to attack the army, and the worst is to attack a walled city." -Sun Tzu
I'm going to talk for a minute or two about terrorism. I have here, sitting on my desk, a copy of a .U.S Army manual about Guerilla and Counter-Guerilla Warfare. It’s a pretty interesting book, and I’d be happy to loan it to any of you, if you want. The basic thesis of the book is this: that in order for a Coup, Revolution, or Guerilla War to succeed, the Revolutionaries must
have the people’s support. And by “People’s Support”, they mean a very large majority of the civilian population must support (or not oppose) the Revolutionaries. Without this popular support, any Revolution is simply doomed to fail. One of the reasons why we “lost” the Vietnam war is because the majority of the common folk didn’t support us (and by “us” I mean the .U.S and South Vietnam). Or, the majority of the common folk did perhaps support us in their hearts, but were too frightened to “go public” with that support. A fatal flaw for any Counter-Guerilla operation.
So now we turn to the recent bombing in Spain. Two hundred people were killed, and over a thousand wounded. Evidence seems to link the ETA with the bombing. In case you didn’t know, the ETA is a Basque-ethic terrorist organization. They want “freedom” from Spain and France (but especially Spain), and they also want to establish their own little country too. It sounds like a textbook example of a Guerilla war in the making. The problem (for them) is, most Spaniards hate the ETA, and most Basques
hate them too. Not exactly a recipe for Revolutionary Success. In fact, their silly excuse for a rebellion was doomed even before the bombings.
Maybe with that imminent failure in mind, they decided to “send a message” to Spanish civilians this week. Maybe a huge attack in the heart of Spain would force the Spanish to give up? Maybe the Spanish would finally see things their way?
This is a picture of eight million men, women and children protesting the ETA outrages.
If the ETA was unpopular before, they are positively Dog Crap now. Nobody will support them, and anybody who does will be taking their life into their hands. It’s likely that because of this, the Basque country will never break away from Spain. Ironic, isn’t it? The ETA may have sealed their own fate, much like Al Qeada sealed theirs when they attacked us.
The first rule of the game is that you’re supposed to get the people to support you, not hate you, and you’ve done the opposite.
Sorry guys, but you loose. All terrorists eventually loose.
DO THIS IN REMBRANCE OF FIDO
An Episcopal Church back east is offering Holy Communion to dogs and cats.
"Why not?", Gene Robinson would say...
I found an intresting new blog today, it's called Internet Monk
, and so far it looks okay.
I've only read two of his articles so far, one about Theology and the other about the Book of Revelations. I agree with him wholeheartdly on both, so he can't be all that bad.An excerpt about "Theology":
"...Suddenly, the iMonk experiences flashbacks to days of yore long ago, when Church of Christ friends would smile and inform him that, since there was only one church, and one Gospel, and his church was not that church, and his Gospel was not that Gospel, he was going to hell....
...I said that we have the text. The "koinonia" in the body, blood, life and death of Jesus. I am not suggesting a third way. I am suggesting that the text imposes limits on the theologians. But the great, great tragedy is that so many theologians won't live with that limit. Having calculated all the logical implications and unseen connections, they announce that the simple words of the text are actually the fault line between the true and false Gospel. And of course---OF COURSE-- every text proves the Lutheran position. And every text proves the Reformed position. And every text proves the Baptist position. And every text proves the R[oman Catholic] position. And every other position. Why? Because we studied, and wrote and polemicized and wrote and excommunicated and smiled at ourselves.
And there sits the text. The koinonia in the life and death of Jesus himself. The text that cannot be altered and just says what it says, no footnotes allowed.
I absolutely refuse to take anyone's theology more seriously than I take the text. Including my own. In the RCC discussion I am in on the forum, my R[oman Catholic] friend has objected, naturally, to my citing Luther's words that popes have erred and councils have erred. WHICH ONES? She wants to know?
I'll tell you. All of them. Including Luther. And Calvin. And all who followed in their wake. They erred. But THE TEXT DOES NOT ERR. So may I be so bold as to suggest that clinging to the words of the text, and putting ALL theological labels and machinations UNDER THE TEXT is not an attempt at THIRD WAY. It is attempting Mere Christianity in practice. It is putting the Word of God and the Christ of the Word in the place where I can find them in my life, worship and work.
I want to know my theology. But I am going to keep all my theological conclusions- Calvinistic soteriology, Wider Hope, Sovereignty, my literary views on inspiration and my Zwinglian views of the church- I am going to keep all of it on a shelf below what the text of scripture says. I'll be happy to argue the text, and I'll be happy to argue theology. But when I do not know the difference, someone stop me please. I have 150 staff, and hundreds of kids that I must preach to, and they need me to love the Christ of the text more than the Christ of anyone's theology.
And then something about Revelations that Kirk Cameron should read:The book of Revelation is a special message to Christians in the first century. It is a message that says "Jesus is Lord!" Caesar Domitian is NOT Lord! God is in control of everything that happens. The future will unfold according to God's plan, and it is going to fulfill all of God's purposes. No matter how rough or bad it gets along the way, Christians must be faithful, be willing to suffer, and wait on God to bring all things to an end in His kingdom.
Knowing that Revelation is a message to first century Christians doesn't mean it isn't for us today. Revelation is a message for all Christians in all times. Its message and its "story" belong to every generation and every Christian.
I'll read some more of his stuff later and I might even add it to my blogroll! End transmission.
OBLIGATORY POST #202083.39
I checked my site meter just now and discovered that I'm getting about sixteen hits per day - up from my usual twelve. I guess I better write something to keep you folks happy. That is why you come here, right? To get your happy groove on? I thought so.
It's 1:40am, Sunday Morning, and I'm sitting here at my computer with a notepad in my lap. It's covered in Algebraic expressions and equations - and it's due on Wendsday. Tommorow I'll be working on an Essay for my English class thats due on Tuesday, and I'll never be working on a writing project for my Theatre class that's due on Monday. There just isn't enough time.
But of course, I'm writing in my blog, so there MUST be time for that, you say. You're right. I am a little lazy when it comes to school work, especially pointless theatre projects.
Sometimes you get a class where the homework is not designed to help you learn, it's simply assigned as busywork.
So, sorry for the maudlin attitude today. I just feel crushed under the weight of my Education.
More light hearted posts soon, I promise!
I'd like to take a few moments to talk about
our possible future County Supervisor. Let's call him "Ted".
I'm sure that when Ted
was a baby, he was very cute and his mother loved him very much. But sometime between
infancy and this Tuesday, Ted somehow became a politician.
Ted, like all politicians,
believes that the best way to win a campaign is to tell little stories that aren't true
about his opponents. Specifically, one opponent in particular. Most of the time when
you hear Politicians bad-mouthing each other, you don't give it very much thought because
you can easily assume that the accusations are true, for all you know.
But the situation
changes when Ted's opponent is actually somebody you know personally. Then, you suddenly realize
that Ted's accusations aren't true at all - because the person that you know isn't the person
that Ted wants you to believe he is. The person you know is by all measures a good, decent man -
not the greedy, nefarious puppet that Ted says he is.
So what does this mean? It means
that Ted wants the job of County Supervisor so much that he's willing to tell the occasional
lie to get there. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose. After all, he's just modeling himself
after virtually every national politician I can think of.
So maybe I'm overreacting.
Maybe I'm taking this too seriously. Yeah. I really should calm down.
So, anyway, I'd
like to welcome our new County Supervisor and wish him a wonderful and completely scandal
free tenure of office.
And you know, speaking strictly off the record, I have heard
from reliable sources that Ted owns shares in a company called Vivid Entertainment, Inc., one
of the world's largest distributors of hardcore p0rnography. I've also heard - from sources
close to Ted - that he enjoys biting the heads off kittens and leaving the carcasses to rot
on school playgrounds. Also, some people have informed me that Ted plans to have all homeless
people in our county sent to concentration camps once he's elected Supervisor.
I hope that Ted has a wonderful, lovely time as County Supervisor. Scandal free, too.
GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF BINNY HINN
Hello sir my name is SHAHEED ODAWA AL-WALID and I am the former FINANCE MINISTER of the Kumarian Republic. I have TEMPORARILY TAKEN OVER THIS BLOG so that I may give you and interesting OFFER THAT MAY INTEREST YOU. My former president Mr. Oboweisi Mumfundi has recently been deposed by rebel forces, and now my bank account totaling some 10000,0000,0000,0000 DOLLARS (US) is resting in safe deposit boxes in my country. I can promise you upwards of FIFTY BAZILLION DOLLARS if you may please very much help me with this business transaction. If you could please contact me at email@example.com with your BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION and ROUTING NUMBER I will be happy to take your money. Also PLEASE VERY MUCH BE ADVISED that if you report me to my ISP I will be very much pleased happy to add your email address to every p0rn and virus email list I can find. THANK YOU VERY MUCH MY AMERICAN FRIEND and may BINNY HINN bless you with many blessed blessings.
Collins Odowa Al-Watan, Finance Minister
One of my favorite Epics of all time - The Chronicles of Narnia - is coming to the Big Screen in 2005. I'm thrilled!
I wish Peter Jackson were directing this movie. That way, we would know without a doubt that it'll be a good movie. I've heard that Andrew Adamson is directing it (he also directed Shrek and is currently directing Shrek 2). Shrek was pretty good, so we'll see if he can pull off another good one.
Fingers crossed, everybody!