The Karl Show
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Monday, May 31, 2004
 
MEMORIAL DAY

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

John McCrae (1872-1918)
 
Sunday, May 30, 2004
 
BLOGWORTHY

I had no idea that today was Pentecost. I really had no clue. And to think that I almost stayed in bed this morning! Shame on me!

I noticed something was amiss this morning when I first saw The Tie. I couldnt believe it! He was actually wearing The Tie. He actually owns a tie! For as long as I've known him, I have never once seen him wear The Tie, or any other tie, for that matter. I think he must have some kind of Tieophobia, or some fear of sudden strangulation. In any event, it was good to finally see him join The American Way of Life and actually put on a tie. So if you see Pastor Brad within the next few days, give him a hearty congratulations on wearing his newfound clothing accessory.

Speaking of all things new, click here if you are new to the Christian faith and don't know exactly what Pentecost is. Hopefully that Weslyan website won't drown you in torrents of information.

And finally....

Ven, Oh Espiritu Santo, ven. Ven como fuego santo y arde en mi. Ven como viento santo y limpiame. Ven como luz santa y ensename. Ven como vida santa y mora en mi. Ven como poder santo y capaci tame. Convenceme, convierteme, consagrame hasta que sea todo tuyo. Para us uso. Amen.
 
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
 
AND THE ANSWER IS...

Sometimes I look at my naked self in the mirror, and despair. I'm a tubby, pasty-skinned dweeb with buck teeth. I wasin't meant to be that way, you know. I was meant to be handsome, to be a whole man - but I'm not. I'm less than what I could have been, and it's my fault.

Do you ever get that feeling? That terrible feeling that you could have been something, really coulda been something great, but you end up being yesterday's trash instead? I get that feeling sometimes. I have it now. Surprise!

I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back and change all the stupid things that I've done. Scary thing is, I think if I could really go back in time, I'd probably do things the same way.

In other news, I failed my Math final. I failed by four points.
Four Points. Now my educational future is uncertain, and once again, I find that I have completely ruined my life. Maybe if I had just studied a little bit harder. Maybe if I had studied for an extra hour today, I wouldnt have missed those four questions that sealed my fate. Maybe, maybe, mabye.

God has given me my body, my mind, my family, my friends, my house and my education - yet all I ever do is screw them up. I take what God gives me, and I destroy it.

I need a beer.
 
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
 
FIRST CARDINAL RULE OF BLOGGING

"As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches unity."
 
Sunday, May 23, 2004
 
JUST WAIT UNTIL I PEIRCE MY EYEBROWS

My good friend Leafar has recently pointed out that my new blog design is very "Goth". I honestly didnt think of it as being Goth until he told me so. Behold the power of suggestion. I guess I should start posting poems and lyrics that I write while weeping over my altar to Kurt Cobain or something. Maybe I could post pictures of dead kittens and then write "THIS IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU, MOM!" underneath. Of course, if the blog is going to be Goth then I need to transform as well. Gotta loose some weight and start cutting myself. Also gotta start getting peircings everywhere and drawing pentagrams on my backpack. Or maybe I could start hanging out with the Goth Crowd - just so I can be completely different from The Normal Crowd.

All puns aside, I think I'm a little to happy to start being Goth all over the place. That's not to say that I don't have my "emo" moments, but in general I'm a pretty laid back kinda guy.

At least, that's what my parole officer tells me. I HATE YOU MOM!!!!!!1111oneone!!!11

End transmission.
 
Thursday, May 20, 2004
 
AWKWARD MOMENTS

Warning: Only continue reading if you're prepared to see a side of Karl that you've probably never seen. You have been warned.


I was walking into English class today when one of my lovely female classmates approached me. I was shocked, really, because beautiful women rarely talk to me. And make no mistake, she was beautiful. Downright sexy, even. She wore one of
those pink low-cut Abercrombie tops that are so popular these days. You can imagine that I felt a little awkward when she started talking to me. It was nothing serious, of course. Just regular chit chat about school and finals and term papers and such.

I was terribly embarrassed, and I think she could tell. You see, I really don't know how to act around amazingly beautiful women, or any woman for that matter. Whenever a woman strikes up a conversation with me, I just freeze up like a popsicle.

The feeling gets worse once you realize that you're embarrassed, and even worse when you realize that she is kinda embarrassed too. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking "...don't look at her breasts, whatever you do, don't look at her breasts." Then you look at her breasts and you kick yourself for being such a pig. Your mind tries so hard to keep
yourself focused on her eyes and face, while the rest of your body is trying to check out everything below her neck. You can actually feel your eyes getting lower and lower, moving down her face and neck towards her chest. You stop yourself and look back up at her face again, but only to loose your concentration and start looking down again. You look away or look past her to avoid staring at all, but your greedy eyes keep wanting to go back to that pink Abercrombie top. And finally, you experience the greatest shame: you get Red In The Face. This is what it's like to be "me" around beautiful women.

I can't talk to a beautiful woman without going through all of these symptoms, and I think this contributes to my current “single” status.

Anyway, eventually I had to excuse myself because I just couldn’t talk to her without drooling all over her Abercrombie logo. One day, I'd like to be man enough (or holy enough?) to look at a beautiful woman and see her as nothing less than God's very
own child. I hope that one day I'll stop being so goshdarned awkward.

Speaking of sex..

I got a Measles Booster today at the student health center. It wasn’t too bad, and I'm glad that I won't be struck down by a disease that we virtually eradicated in the last century. Gotta keep giving people the vaccines to keep the bugs away, I guess.
Anyway, as I was walking out of the clinic, I noticed that they had put a basket full of condoms near the receptionist's desk. They were giving away free condoms to the health center patients! In a tidy wicker basket! In front of everybody! In public! I couldn’t help but remember that not too long ago, you were supposed to get a lollipop whenever you went to the doctors. Irony Detector: Activated.

I hope you've enjoyed your trip on Karl's Embarrassing Private Thoughts Tour, please remain seated until the blog comes to a full and complete stop. More tomorrow.
 
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
 
I'VE REACHED MY LIMIT (JOKE!)

It seems that I'm on a Math kick lately. My final is next Wendsday, so I'll be cramming like crazy until then. Pray for me as I need to pass this final in order to pass this class. And believe me, I'll be just barely passing.

I learned something new today. Apparently, there is something in math called a "limit", which is the point that a series of number terminates. This sounds mundane, but it's actually kinda weird. For example, when you're dealing with a ratio that is smaller than 1 (take ½ for example), you can actually get the sum of all terms in the infinite set. This still dosent make a whole lot of sense to me, but watch as I perform:

S = a1

----
1 - r

(Series sub infinity equals A sub 1 over 1 minus R)

So let's say that Series sub 1 equals 2 with a ratio of ½:

S = 2

-----
1 - ½

(Series sub infinity equals 2 over 1 minus one-half)

The answer is "four", which means - presumably - if you were take all the infinite numbers within the following series with a ratio of ½: {2,1,½,¼...} and add them together, you would get "4".

Now, logically this is silly. The series never actually reaches "4", but it gets very, very close. How close? Very close. Maybe "3.9^-Googolplex" close. Maybe even closer than that, but my point is, it never actually gets there. It's never actually "4". So why do we call it that? Because it's the limit, I guess. It's how far we want the series to go before it stops. But here's the thing, technically it never stops! It just keeps getting smaller and smaller and smaller....AARRGH! Crazy illogical math...

If anyone out there OTHER THAN KEVIN understands what I just said, give yourself a pat on the back. As for me, I have almost certainly reached my upper limit in math (pun!)

End transmission.
 
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
 
If aº is always 1 , then let a=0 and solve for 0º

It's been a long weekend, and now it's Tuesday. Party's over, time to get back to life. Now that I'm fully detoxed I can get back to writing in my spurious little blog. I'll have something to say soon, I'm sure.

In the meantime, try to wrap your mind around my little proposition above. Enjoy.
 
Saturday, May 15, 2004
 
TEH TATLE

hEY eveybody! ist mah birrday! im twenny won yers uld nd holy crap im like freakin drnk man! hahahahahahah....U guys are way WAY kewl for cuming to my party. and driving me round and stuff. hell yah that was fun. that BWM wuz hella awsome wit da sunroof' n junk. Kevin owns a house and thats teh coolest!

pece to my homees!
 
Thursday, May 13, 2004
 
LAW: BROKEN

It's confession time. I done brewk the law. Yup.

I had a glass of wine today - ONE DAY BEFORE MY 21st BIRTHDAY!!!!!! The horror, the horror. Yup, I was having lunch at my favorite Italian resturant when the cute waitress asked me if I "wanted to see the wine list". Didnt even ask for ID. I guess I look older than I really am.

In other news, red wine is kinda pungent. Kinda burns going down the ol' Food Canal. It's an aquired taste, to be sure. Hopefully I'll get used to it.

Oh, before you go, please visit this website to see why you should never, ever, under any circumstances, post your picture on the internet.

Enough for today, tommorow - more alcohol! End Transmission!
 
Monday, May 10, 2004
 
YO JOE!

In the mood for some GI JOE parody? Me too! First, check out the latest Homestar Runner for some hilarious parody-ness. They get the whole "GI JOE playset" thingy down pat. In fact, I think I used to own some of those vehicles.

Then, check out this freaky GI JOE PSA, and then this one (foul language alert). Nothing quite like PSA parody!

End transmission.
 
Sunday, May 09, 2004
 
TIME TRAVEL

Kevin and I, being the UberGeeks that we are, stayed behind after church today to discuss the ramifications of time travel. Yes, we really did.

We came to the conclusion that time travel is possible, at least on the quantum level (Of course, if something is possible on the quantum level, it's therefore possible on the "macro" level, just very improbable). For example, some physicists believe that antimatter, say, Anti-Protons and Anti-Electrons ("positrons"), is really just matter from another universe moving "backwards" through time. These particles briefly interact with our "time frame", and we see them as being "antimatter" (consequently, particles from our universe would interact with their universe, and our particles would seem like "antimatter" to them). Now, remember that we
can manipulate antimatter (in very small quantities) within the vast magnetic fields of a Particle Accelerator. Does this mean that creatures from another "antimatter universe" could manipulate OUR particles within their particle accelerators? That's a disturbing thought, isn't it? Also, if since they are moving "backwards" in time, any effect that their manipulation creates would happen in our "past". In other words, they would be able to change our past without our knowledge. That begs a few more disturbing questions: how do we know that our past
hasint already been changed? Can we be absoutely sure? How do we know that the past isnt changing all the time?

Also, I have a confession to make. Kevin, you were right and I was wrong. If we discovered the escape velocity of a black hole,
we wouldnt have to redefine the concept of infinity. Infinity would remain the "same", but we would redefine the mass of a black hole as being "less-than-infinite". I was thinking this as I pulled the car out of the parking lot at church this morning.
You were right.

Anyway, that's enough Quantum Physics for one day! End Transmission.
 
Saturday, May 08, 2004
 
I DONT BELIEVE THIS

TechTV lays off San Francisco staff

TechTV told 285 San Francisco employees on Thursday that their jobs are being eliminated, a move that was widely feared by workers after Comcast announced in March that it would acquire the technology cable channel.

Comcast will merge TechTV, owned by Paul Allen's Vulcan Ventures, with its own G4 video game network when the buyout is finalized next week.


Earth to Comcast: Nobody wants to watch your unfunny, boring video game channel. Please return TechTV. Thank you.

Seriously, this is sad, but not unexpected. TechTV has gone through a lot of hurdles since it started. Anybody here remember when it was ZDTV? I do. Those were the good ol' days...

*'sniff*
 
Thursday, May 06, 2004
 
I'LL NEVER WATCH "THE MATRIX" THE SAME WAY AGAIN

'Matrix' co-creator ready for sex change

According to the Chicago Sun Times, [Larry] Wachowski, who created the Matrix series along with his brother Andy, is working toward becoming "Linda," surgically and otherwise. [...]

When Thea Bloom, Larry's former wife, accused Wachowski of being "extremely dishonest with me in our personal life," blaming the separation on "very intimate circumstances concerning which I do not elaborate at this time for the reasons of his personal privacy," a sex change wasn't the first thing to come to mind. But those close to Larry relate the he has been "living and dressing as a woman for some time."

The Matrix: A Film by "Linda" and Andy Wachowski?
 
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
 
ITS FUN BEING A CHRISTIAN

Sometimes. Today I was browsing through the Digital Isles at Amazon.com when I came across a book called "Why I Left the Contemporary Christian Music Movement" by Dan Lucarini. This book pretty much makes the case that all "modern" (read: 1960-today) worship music is bad, while "traditional" (read: 1850-1950) worship music is good.

Now, many of my readers are Christians, and are therefore aquainted with the Worship Wars that plague the Church. Maybe I'm a sadist or something, but I never get tired of hearing these folks ramble on about how if Jesus were here today, he would be singing John Wesely hymns, and nothing else. Mr. Lucarini brands the following forms of music as satanic: "soft rock, pop/rock, easy listening, classic rock, jazz, rap, blues, hip-hop, punk, ska, or modern country & western."

Well! "Easy listening" was quite a shock, really. Although I did suspect that John Tesh and Yanni were always tools of the Dark Prince.

The book also asks Christians to ask themselves the following questions about their "modern" worship services (I'll give my answers in boldface ):

After your church service, do you feel you have attended a rock concert rather than a worship service?

No.

When attending a service at your church, is your attention directed to God or to the entertainment being presented?

God.

Has the adoption of the contemporary service by your church alienated, hurt, and even chased you and others away from your church?

Yes!

Are your spiritual needs being neglected due to the emphasis in the music?

No.

Does your church service consist of long periods of nonstop loud music and very little preaching of God's word?

No.

Does your church service resemble the scene that Moses encountered when he came down for the mountain? Ex32

You mean, do we melt down our earrings and bracelets and cast an idol from the molten gold? No, we don't.

Are the teens in your church overly enthusiastic about the new music being introduced by the newly appointed "Worship coordinator"?

We arent very enthusiastic about anything.

So, yes, it's true that some folks have left our church because they don't like "loud" music. It's a shame, really. But I sincerly doubt that they left because the music wasin't focused on God. In fact, I have a theory about the whole Worship Wars debacle: each side uses Biblical arguments to justify their own personal tastes.

I wonder how many other things in the church aren't really from God, but simply us justifying our own personal likes and dislikes? Food for thought, maybe.

End Transmission.
 
Monday, May 03, 2004
 
SET PHASERS TO "FUN"

You must download this mp3 right away. If you don't, you'll never know the fun and hilarity of Captian Jean Luc Picard in a techno remix. Do it, and be amazed.
 
"Never be afraid to doubt... and doubt in order that you may end in believing the truth."

"Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good." (Job 34.4)

Name:
Location: Turlock, California, United States

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." -William James, Principles of Psychology





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  • Rev. Dr. Brad Boydston
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